Tuesday, March 9, 2010
[Jeb's Side Question]
While jogging I remembered an odd moment from when I walked in from the rain and hail. The front desk guy who offered me a towel, I noticed he had a name-tag. I figured someone so kind and considerate deserves to have their names remembered by yours clearly. I walked up to his desk, dripping on his sign-in sheet. I apologized and looked at his name-tag. Only thing was, his name was blurred out. So strange...does he even have a name? And why did I remember that now...?
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The long- haired girl stopped. She took a few steps towards the street, backwards so she could look up at me.
ReplyDelete"Who the fuck do you think you are asshole?" The girl said ... O.k. I got the picture ... sensitive topic. SEE I KNEW NOT EVERYONE WAS CURED!!! I should have approached her from closer ... like not from 50 fucking floors up from her.
"I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I don't deny it. I can't stop. I won't stop ... Well, I will if I run out of food ... but all of the places around here deliver and I work online so like I was saying I WONT STOP!!!! But I need to ..." said a quavering man.
I look down ... I see a familiar head ... The head turns, and the man looks up.
It's Jeb. What the fuck ... I am trying to solicit here and he's freakin BUISNESS BLOCKING!!!
Wait.
Did he say he was a stress eater? DID HE SAY HE HAD A PROBLEM AND HE NEEDED HELP STOPPING?!?!??!?!?!?!
O.K. I can't fuck this up ... I have two perfect life support members here ... We've got a defensive bitch, who possibly has a stress eating issue ... and a fearfull chubster ... awesome ... Don't fuck this up John ... we NEED THIS ...
"Hey Jeb," I say just so he knows his presence is known and feels included, "Listen ... " I say motioning at the girl standing in the street. "How about a knosh? Let's say ..." I'm interuppted.
Who the fuck is this schmechel?
"EXCUSE ME SONS ..." says a fat officer holding a hot dog in one hand and a lemonade in the other.
You know, police officers should have an off duty sign like taxis do ... THAT WAY if they are off duty and try to govern us in any way we can just say "FUCK YOU YOU'RE OFF DUTY!!!!"
"Yes sir?" Jeb says in a quavering voice ... (what's new?) He can be such a suckup this guy ... it's probably because hes a freaking baby and wants to be in good with the police JUST IN CASE.
"Hi ya'll, I'm Lt. Rocco Statone. Just tryin' to keep a safe neighborhood 'round these here parts ..."
"I SUPPORT YOU COMPLETELY," says Jeb giving him a dumbass salute.
The officer shakes his head.
"Anyways, please get back in your windows ... Don't want anybody fallin' out now you hear? Sanitation isn't too good 'round here so ya'lls bodies could be rottin' on this hear street for days."
"SURE THING OFFICER. THANKYOU FOR SERVING OUR COUNTRY!"
Jeb, you are such a FAG.
Lt. schmehel carries on.
"As I was saying," I start, "How about a little snack ... Jeb you need to get out, I need to help people, and you my dear ... I think you need a friend."
I point to the carnival across the street.
"Funnel cakes and beer?" I gesture. I know Bubby wouldn't approve ... and that the food at that carnival isn't the only thing not Kosher, but ... this is buisness, right?
"Umm ... is there security there?" Jeb askes.
Of course.
"I'm in ... I don't know why ... but I am ..." says the girl shrugging her shoulders.
"It's kind of chilly ... I better not go ... I think I'm getting sick anyways," Jeb said, shaking his head.
"Great." I say to the girl. "Jeb," I say shaking my head, "YOU'RE COMMING."
The girl started walking towards the fair, and Jeb was silent.
"Well ... O.k. I guess ... Will you come get me John? These elevators are unpredictable and I don't want to get stuck in there alone and you won't know where I am and the girl will wonder what happend to me and my parents will never know because YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO CALL AND TELL THEM BECAUSE YOU WON'T KNOW AND ..."
I cut him off; I have to.
"COMMING RIGHT NOW."
I look out to see if the girl is still in sight.
She's not.
"By the way, my name's Alex," said the girl, screaming from a block away.